How I Quit A Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Habit!

A leader of a Recovery group told me I was only the fourth person he has ever met (in like 20 years) who stopped drinking alcohol without any outside help. Which, WOW, I thought… considering that he has dealt with many addicts over the years, and knows full well the nature of addiction—and the often, long and difficult process it takes to recover from it. Which means, I am here to tell you… that stopping an all-consuming bad habit such as the misuse and abuse of alcohol, CAN be done. (And without AA!) Take it from me, who was a-wine-bottle-to-two-drinker on any given night, and grew dependent in my habit of NEEDING it to cope with life.

Not long ago, I shared on Facebook that I stopped drinking alcohol. Shortly after, a few friends reached out to me asking questions and admitting to me their own struggles with drinking. So I put together the following, sharing here what worked for ME, after many previous failed attempts to give the stuff up for good. I had searched and searched for the “easy answers” in my own quest for sobriety, and I really just wanted—no needed someone out there to tell me simply and straight-forwardly, what to do to kick the habit besides meetings. (Seriously, no time for that!)

Well, perhaps I am now that who and that what—that voice I was searching for. Maybe I can be that practical answer for someone else out there who is also searching for how to stop drinking alcohol, by my own experience of quitting, in which I am still holding strong today. Maybe now, I can tell someone else struggling in this area what truly works. But allow me a disclaimer: this is not a guarantee for anyone else who seeks help. When I state it is “what works,” I am referring to my own personal experience, since I am here and sober, to attest to the things I have written about.

So, without further adieu…

Listed below are some practical things I did, which were all helpful—imperative actually, in giving up alcohol. My addiction was a stronghold that began in my mind, and so it had to end in my mind—where many of our battles are often waged.

So how did I manage to stop the mental addiction to alcohol, without AA?

I believe it was a culmination of varying things, that came perfectly together. But there were a few hard, cold truths I had to unwaveringly accept first, before I could take the practical steps to fulfilled sobriety. To put them in general terms…

First, you must know drinking is a real problem for you. Not a sometimes problem, but an overall problem that must be dealt with in a ‘rip off the bandaid’ sort of way.

Second, you must actually hate the problem it has become in your life, more than you love partaking in it. You must see clearly and truthfully, what alcohol really is, for YOU. Is it destructive? Are you convicted? Is your drinking weighing on your mind and soul to change? Are you constantly claiming today is the day you will quit?

Finally, you must no longer justify your drinking in any manner whatsoever. Your mind must not second guess that you need to stop drinking, and it must find finality in this. When I stopped drinking, my desire for complete mental release from alcohol became 100%. When I was barely holding on to still wanting to drink, quitting proved impossible. If only 90% of me wanted to stop drinking, the other 10% that warred to keep doing it, won. Every time! When I finally came to knowing in my core being, that I truly and absolutely 100% wanted and needed to stop drinking—when nothing inside of my head and heart wanted to continue being abused in this stronghold for one second longer, there it was… the power to stop.

But there was more that had to be done. In practical steps, the following things listed are the culmination of what made quitting drinking a reality for me…

1) Going to God in prayer, abandonment, willingness to surrender, empty-handed, and in complete faith He will deliver me.

I’ll admit, I cried out to God—I begged God many many times, to deliver me from this highly dreaded dependency. A habit I could not seem to shake off. But it didn’t happen… over and over again. Until one day it did. What changed the last time? Why was I now delivered from this stronghold? I honestly cannot say for absolute certain… but I am under the belief it was when I truly came to the end of myself that He moved. No more coming to Him pleading for help, while even a small part of me was still holding on to the desire to drink. When I came to Him completely abandoned to my drinking desires, I found myself changed. I know He is glorified in His instant miracles, and I know He is glorified in our sometimes long process to becoming healed. In this area of my life, it was both… it was a long time I struggled to get a grip, but once I came to God knowing full well only He could help me—because I was (am) helpless apart from Him, I woke up that last morning with no more desire to drink. And my last hangover being the final straw… I just knew I did not ever want to feel that way again.

So my morning was spent in prayer. All I had to bring to Him was my true confession that my drinking was SIN. (MY drinking was sinful, I’m not arguing that ALL drinking is sinful). I had no magic words to pray. I had no more willpower than allllllll my other previous attempts to quit. (In 20 years, I was able to quit for just a handful of approximately 3 month-ers at a time.) I simply confessed my sin with alcohol, asking Him to “take this from me” and to “break mental strongholds” that were keeping me ‘enslaved to too much wine’. I remember praying that I am willfully giving Him this stronghold, and praising Him that only He can break the power of it. I also remember the morning after the last night I drank, saying, “Okay God, today is the day I choose to stop. I choose to give it all to You, and now I need You to go to work!” And He did! I TRUSTED that He would. And to this day, how I glory in and praise Him, that my mind was broken from the stronghold of alcohol addiction from that day on.

But it did not entirely end just there… I still got irritable in the evenings for weeks that followed since I wasn’t feeding the habit I had grown so accustomed too. So I made myself get busy in those times. Which brings me to the next thing I did…

2) I replaced drinking with other things entirely different and off the norm of what I was used to doing.

For the short term, or immediately after I quit, off the norm was key. I had to shake things up a bit! That “witching hour” would come, and I’d notice I would be unusually cranky. I remember telling the Hubs sometimes to deal with the kids cos I just gotta go. I’d simply leave! I’d go to Whole Foods or Home Goods. Or do a Walmart run (that’ll distract!) Anything to get me through that hour or so. But once I got past that maybe two hour window of being irritable, I’d be just fine again. And it wasn’t that my mind was wanting to drink in those moments, my mind was just needing to be stimulated in another way. And I had to figure out what that was for that particular evening. Eating out happened a lot more, since I just needed to get out of here and away from my usual drinking environment. I noticed I would actually love eating out for the food this time, and not for the chance to order four wines. I also noticed I started ordering desserts (which used to be rare for me), to indulge in the sugar my body wasn’t getting from the wine. But thankfully the eating out and dessert indulgences only lasted a short while—maybe the first three months or so. But do whatever it takes!

3) New habits and routines had to be formed.

This became more for the long-term. Finding stuff to immerse my brain in for enjoyable distractions, and doing them in the evenings was necessary during the first few months. And mostly has continued to this day. Pinterest and the Hallmark channel literally helped get me through! I had to develop new night-time routines. I started watching all those cheesy Hallmark mysteries, and was online a lot looking up and “pinning” all these natural ways to get sleep, for example. I became a genu-ine sleep snob. I loved learning more about what I could do to naturally knock me out. I was feeling so tired and run down (I still battle with low energy at times, but it is no where near as bad as it was during my drinking days), and I knew my sleep needed improving. My new rush was in building up my energy levels through improved sleep and better health. So I would look forward to my evenings of research time, to occupy my mind and distract me from the irritability that inevitably followed alcohol abstinence. I used my new-found wine free time to really learn about all the amazing natural healing and health things I could take in, or about fun activities. My Pinterest boards cater to farming and homesteading, health and crafty things… all the stuff I dream about doing and being better at. And I re-discovered a serious love for all my old recipe books and magazines. (Menu planning is actually fun!). So discover what you love doing, and spend your usual drinking times doing those things instead.

In the first few months I had quit, I really enjoyed our after dinner times because I was no longer dreading the grueling mind battles I had as a drinker. Evenings soon became my little sanctuary I looked forward to the most. Me and the family, we’d gather around the TV for a movie. I’d whip up a tasty comforting tea or some golden milk or something hot and frothy that is helpful to better sleep, and get all excited over watching a new show I recorded. It is key that you replace the bad habit with a good one! But I mean, a good one that you really look forward to doing—something you just cannot wait to do that night. Or how about… learn to play the guitar. Seriously! You’ll discover you look forward to advancing in a new skill or talent. (Or paint. Or write. Start a journal.) Actually having something to look forward to replaces the dread and boredom and irritability that comes when you quit. If you have to rent a movie every single night, do it. Binge watch a new Netflix show. If you like to read, get a stack of a few new books that excite you to wanna read them one after the other. If you like to learn about certain things, grab your laptop and a cup of tea, and get cozy in bed and start researching. Get a notebook for what you are researching. I have a health binder now, and started printing and collecting all this information I love learning about. I also started collecting recipes for delicious hot drinks to enjoy at night, so I could vary up my beverages. I looked forward to especially my hot, evening beverages, as much as I looked forward to opening a wine bottle! Kombucha and Tart Cherry juice (organic, cold-pressed, not from concentrate—a wonderful sleep aid) are awesome wine replacement drinks, btw. Go on and indulge yourself—and drink the tart stuff out of a wine glass. 🙂

4) Accept the fact that you can not be a drinker. Not now, not EVER.

This right here will help in severing the mental stronghold once and for all. I teetered so much with—if I just develop new drinking habits and set rules for myself, I CAN drink like a “normal” person drinks. The reality was and is… That will never happen. I’m not normal. So I accepted that I personally, will nevvver be a drinker. (Not one that has control of it anyways.) I also accepted that I will never just want one or two drinks. Seriously, I hate the mere idea of just having ONE glass of wine. Lol. Because that is no fun for me! That only leaves me hankering for more. Which sucks—And I hate that feeling. So I embraced the “all or nothing” mentality to my advantage, and I actually made that my friend… reminding myself that “normal” amounts of alcohol only aggravate me afterward. And that it is better to have none at all, then just an amount that leaves me hanging. I accepted that I am just not a normal drinker and I never ever will be. This also led me into the mentality of where I stopped being jealous of anyone who could drink, say, just two. I reminded myself that it is perfectly okay that I am all or nothing, and that there is absolutely zero reason to be jealous of others who did not struggle in this. Because oh my gosh—everyone has struggles—everyone! So what if mine or yours is alcohol and theirs isn’t. I seriously decided to just stop being envious and jealous of them. And today I can be around others who are drinking, in regards to their drinking not triggering a desire in me to drink. Btw, I know Satan wanted me to focus on all of this… and I became aware of his lies. Therefore, I was able to stop thinking that I was a loser for being a problem drinker. When before, I felt like a super failure for not being able quit. I hated myself for that.

Lastly, I accepted that I had to quit forever. No more mind games of maybe later on I’ll get a grip, or maybe later on I can try this again with success. Nope! You have to stop those thoughts dead in their tracks. They are lies from Satan, and once you clearly see his lies happening, it is so much easier to mentally gain the strength to abstain from drinking. Just remember…

“Resist the Devil, and he MUST flee.” That is a Biblical promise.

Tell him no upon a mere thought of drinking again. Also remember, God’s intention for YOU is to abstain from drinking all together. Satan’s intention is to lie to you and make you believe you CAN and WILL be able to drink non-problematically. At some point! Um, no… Not everyone is intended to be overseas missionaries, not everyone is intended to be able to drink alcohol. Not the best comparison, but you get my drift. So being willing to accept that alcohol is what God wants you (and me) to abstain from, is a huge step moving forward. This makes it mentally easier to avoid it all together, once you believe and accept this.

5) Mentally jump ahead to tomorrow.

I loved this one… because it worked! If I thought about drinking alcohol, I’d conquer the idea by putting myself mentally to the next morning and day. I’d remind myself of how lousy I’ll feel upon waking, because of how crappy I’d sleep; how awful my coffee would taste; how cranky I’d be towards my Hubs and kiddos, etc. etc. I’d think of all the negative things I KNEW I would go through the next day if I drank. And I already knew I didn’t want to feel like that tomorrow, which made it easier to breeze through the evening before without caving. Also, in those irritable evening moments, I would tell myself it’s only about two hours to go in exchange for being miserable the entire the next day… and my mind embraced how it just wasn’t worth it. Which again, made it easier to refrain on a particular night. And honestly, often I’d just muddle through. I was trying to adapt to new routines, and I knew I wouldn’t die if I just toughed it out for two more hours.

Let me just emphasize the feelings of joy and strength that come from feeling good, due to a sober head, body, and life. Did I mention how much richer and more delicious a cup of coffee is after a good nights rest and with no lingering wine taste in your mouth? 😉 Coffee and bible/quiet time in the early morning has never been better, nor enjoyed more than I enjoy it all now. Go to bed early, and arise early! (In the morning when I rise, just give me coffee and Jesus.)❤️

6) Read a ‘how to stop drinking’ book.

It just helps by getting that stuff into your brain. For example, Allen Carr’s “Easy Way to Control Alcohol” book helped so much, because I knew AA would not be the road I would take. (He actually pokes a few holes in the AA way—but he also gives AA his esteemed kudos, if that matters to you). The book’s content managed to get into my head and make me despise alcohol. That book was a ROOT remedy! Borderline genius to me. He focuses on both the psychological and physical aspects, and reveals alcohol for what it really is and does to the mind and body. (Gross.) But find some inspiration! I looked up to others in admiration (celebrities, or people I knew), who had already gone ahead in their sobriety. They also motivated me forward.

7) Christian counseling.

Gah I was screwed up! Still am. I am unashamed to admit my own personal need for therapy. I am sure my drinking problem is rooted in negative experiences. Counseling may not be necessary for everyone, but it’s nice to have someone to listen to you, and help you work through pain or trauma we so often and so easily want to just numb. The RIGHT way.

Bottom line for me, I do not believe I had a severe physical addiction by some standards, although I know for others it is a physical addiction that may require medical help; and anything I say here may not even benefit such a person. Alcohol for me was such a MENTAL stronghold, so I had to go to war in my mind. I had to let God get in there and fight for me! It was and is such a mind grabber—a time robber. It got in the way of my life. It tainted my living. It’s nasty hooks got into my head and literally tormented me there. The battles and wars I waged against myself and against Satan over this stuff… it was agonizing, overwhelming, exhausting and chaotic. I was way past the enough is enough point when I quit. BUT I QUIT. And I praise the Lord for my sobriety, because it is the most tremendous gift I gave myself. And for anyone who struggles in this—it is the best gift you can give to yourself. And if you’re like me, you already know that to be truth. I am more than a year and a half in, and the rewards so far are ten-fold. I have well surpassed the temporary irritability that comes on the heels of stopping. You just gotta be a little tough at first and muddle through that time in the first few weeks. And it gets sooo much easier! Thoughts of drinking truly became a non-issue for me, I’d say around 6-8 months in. So hang in there and keep going! You WILL arrive at no longer desiring the stuff. In the years before, I seriously wondered if I’d ever reach this place in my life. But I did! I never imagined that life is actually much more fun without alcohol! I’ve gone through every holiday, every major event—including those cocktail-infused sunset evenings on the beach, and even a New Orleans wedding! Lol. Every situation where alcohol used to play a major role for me… and now I have much more fun without it. Because I feel FREE. I feel GOOD overall. I am much more energized, my kids enjoy me more, and they get my attention and protection, unlike before when I was drinking. I am in the present with them… And I absolutely adore this about my sobriety. I really enjoy my days and good food and coffee and everything in between, like I could not truly enjoy with tiresome hangovers and convictions lingering over my head.

Speaking of feeling good… I also started taking vitamin supplements and improved my diet. And more recently, I decided I wanted to be a runner. Running can happen for me as a non-drinker. (No way as a drinker… my energy levels were too low, and also when I was drinking, I’d often smoke, too. Double yuck!) I learned that when you feel good, it motivates you to continue improving your health, and pushes any desire to drink all that much farther away.

Hear me when I say, there are just soooo many wonderful advantages to stop drinking alcohol!!!

So do yourself the favor. Do it for yourself, for God, for your family. You will thank yourself, and your family will thank you. You will be sooo happy and proud that you made the decision to move forward in clarity and improved health, and you will not for one split second, regret your decision to stop drinking alcohol! The regret only lives in being a problem drinker, not in discovering your strength to live on in abstinence.

And so there they are… the many things that brought me here. Sober. Clear-headed. And feeling a million times better than when I drank. And into such overwhelming gratitude to God, and to myself—for working with Him to enter into His will for this area of my life. It is okay to be proud of yourself in this accomplishment! 🙂

I do pray this helps anyone who finds themselves reading this due to a drinking problem. I will be praying that God grants such readers the frame of mind to overcome this stronghold. And I believe He will! With your desire to be set free, God will most assuredly set you free. Because that is what He wants for you. So thank Him in advance for that. Tell Him today, THANK YOU FOR SETTING ME FREE. And go on in faith that you are now walking in His freedom!

In closing, it is time that will bring healing in your recovery. Be patient, persevere, and allow the Lord to help you in His strength, not your own. Just trust Him. Because we do not have what it takes by our own means to get through this or anything else that is difficult. But with God, and the strength by His power, we can do all things. Remember, HE WANTS TO HELP YOU. Now let Him!

I know I have rambled on here. A LOT. I’ve repeated and reiterated and over-emphasized myself… because I cannot stress enough the things which CAN be done to come out from among this stronghold. I so wished I would be writing this one day… And now I am! Telling of all the spiritual and practical things which helped me get to where I am today!

If this helps or motivates you, I’d love your words of encouragement. It’s so hard to admit our weaknesses sometimes, but the rewards are in seeing the sweet Lord go to work. To help others—in using your story, your hardships, your pain and even your suffering. And I don’t want to waste my struggle to finding freedom from addiction, by keeping it all to myself! For this is how His Kingdom advances, and I am honored to have walked the valleys I’ve walked, if it means bringing Him glory.

Love, grace, peace, and sobriety my friends!

~Colleen Farris

(written in the fall of 2018, edited in the spring of 2019.)