Grieving the loss of the Father of my firstborn. I loved him. I love him still. I always will. He made me a Mother. He loved her much, and he loved her well. He loved me.
I grieve not only for him, but also for our brokenness in this fallen world. I grieve over our foolish hearts. Over those times of hardship, and terribly tough decisions. I just grieve…
His name is Christopher Scott Binford.
I grieve that my beautiful daughter lost her Daddy. My child who will navigate the rest of her life without him, while my husband steps into the role as sole-pilot in her life.
Jeff is a tremendous Father… we are immensely blessed with his presence and love. He and Chris were friends. For the two of them shared the most valuable of God’s gifts… a little girl they raised, as she grew into a young lady they are both so proud of! They will remain eternal Brothers.
Because Chris knew Jesus.
He gave his life to Him many years ago. He had a passion for Him in his heart that could not be buried underneath the battles he was facing. Chris called his flesh “just a sin suit” he wore. He knew what it meant to struggle. And he “struggled” with things… because The Lord had saved him.
He understood it so well… It’s beautiful really!
Myself, my daughter… We look beyond our broken hearts being blurred by our tears in the here and now, to where our Hope is living and alive! Because that is where Chris is now and forevermore… where his joy has been made full, and complete.
Where his eyes are beholding his Savior!
Chris is right where he longed to be. He is no longer wrestling with life down here. He is with Jesus, and the disciples he wanted to meet. And he is finally acquainted with our Briar – the baby half brother to Jade, who’s passing left a deep impact on him – such a one that he kept Briar’s image tucked inside his Bible during the last six years since our baby’s funeral.
I saw Chris for the last time in October, when we were celebrating the amazing accomplishment of our daughter’s college graduation. He had recently turned 47. And he had a gift for me… a gift he knew I still adored after twenty-two years.
He had wrapped in simple paper – a book given to him in 1998, by the man who impacted his spiritual life and truly forever changed him. He gave me the Bible our Pastor Tommy Nelson handed him when Chris sought counsel long ago. The Bible with Tommy’s many minutely small hand-written notes throughout. The Bible he treasured more than anything. (The Bible he knew I was rather jealous of!)
Chris gave me these gifts I’ll treasure for the rest of my life. He gave me a token – for many unsaid words. He gave me the sweetest Goodbye I could ever imagine being gifted… one I do not deserve.
I am eternally thankful for the life of Chris Binford.
My ex husband, my friend, my child’s Father. The one who Jesus loves. The one of immense value… the one I WILL without a doubt, see again in Heaven when I get there someday.🤍
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Weeping may endure for a night, But joy comes in the morning. PSALM 30:5
So we are always of good courage. We know that while we are at home in the body we are away from the Lord, for we walk by faith, not by sight. Yes, we are of good courage, and we would rather be away from the body and at home with the Lord. 2 CORINTHIANS 5:6–8
I am hard pressed between the two. My desire is to depart and be with Christ, for that is far better. PHILIPPIANS 1:23
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“So go out and live real good and I promise you’ll get beat up real bad. But, in a little while after you’re dead, you’ll be rotted away anyway. It’s not gonna matter if you have a few scars. It will matter if you didn’t live.” —Rich Mullins
Colleen Farris 
Colleen you have no idea the impact this had on me. Chris grew up with my son to the point we sometimes wondered if he had moved in 🙂. He and Michael were inseparable, as close as brothers and much like having a second son. Any serious trouble they got into both came to me. I am deeply hurt on the one hand but profoundly happy on the other that he had a blessed life with people like you in it and became a good father. I’ve often told people the main reason we get old are all the scars from grief as we go through life. Give my prayers to Jade, Ralph and Bernie. If you ever want to talk about his younger life, or anything else, I will be here for you. Take care of yourself, others are dependent on you. I am going to pass your blog along to my granddaughter. Lot of lessons in there we all need to learn from.
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Your words are so beautiful and touching. Such raw truth and wisdom. Chris has found a new home. His heart is with God, yet his memories stay here with us. Much love to all of you.
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